I heard we made out
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
