It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
