I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
