8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
