I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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