My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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