He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
