Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
