Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
