I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
