I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
