Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
