I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
