oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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