no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
