Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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