I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
