I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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