I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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