she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
