I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
