i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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