After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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