who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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