Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
