he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
