worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
