i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
