So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
