It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Watching her eat just hurts me
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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