i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
