how hairy? two words: wookie tits
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
