I just made out with a guy for $7.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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