tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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