I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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