I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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