I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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