its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Randomize
