Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
