My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
