I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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