omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
