EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
