i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
