1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
