I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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