He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
