He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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