K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
