she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
