i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
