I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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