So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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