I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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