11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
