Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
