margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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